As I was listening to the Bible on my way to work, I have been listening to the book of Exodus. As I mentioned in the LALALALALA blog, I was listening to Exodus, chapter 19-20 and I was just amazed that the children of Israel had the opportunity to be in the presence of God. They went through the process of consecrating themselves for three days, to prepare for this, then when it came down to it, they were content to hear God through Moses. They chose to send Moses instead out of fear.
I realized I am more like them than I care to admit. James 4:8 states draw near to God and He will draw near to you. When I have those days where I question where God is, the answer is always "Right where I left Him." He is as close to me as I allow Him to be. When I am in His presence, I am the one who holds back, not God - He is willing to give as much as I am willing to receive.
But just like the Israelites, so many times I have been content to hear from God through the voice of others. I have been content to hear what the preacher says instead of seeking out God for myself. I have been content to read a book by a Godly person instead of picking up God's word and letting God give me a fresh revelation. I have been content to sing the praises written by another than allow God to put a song of praise in my heart to Him.
I am not saying that there is anything wrong with sitting under the teaching of a Godly preacher, reading books that encourage you to grow deeper in your realtionship with God, or listen to the praise and worship music that stirs your spirit. They are all great sources to personal growth, but ultimately you have to take to the time to hear from God yourself. You have to search out God's revealation for you, and allow those sources to be a secondary confirmation of what God is saying.
God already knows everything about us, even those motives and thoughts that we don;t want to admit too. He knows it and He still loves us. His desire is still for a personal, intimate relationship. There is nothing for us to fear, He will not reject us. He will not hurt us. He will not leave us. He will not ridicule. He will only love, forgive, and change us from the inside out.
Draw near to God - that closeness is up to us to make happen. The closer you are to the source, the deeper your relationship will be.