Monday, April 16, 2012


People tell me that I am strong and positive. Honestly, I am weak, but the Joy of the Lord is my strength. My world can be crashing down around me, and only those with a discerning spirit will know the hurt I feel and the burdens I am bearing.

I don't know when I started being that way. Maybe it was work. Maybe it was when the last person who really knew me and all my life died. Maybe as I changed and realized there were not people in my life I could share honestly with and trust. I am not sure, only that I realize I am tired of it.

Lately, I have realized how broken I am. The mask I have learned to wear so convincingly in the world, has only fooled the world about who I am. I realize that mask has greatly changed my personality, and kept me from making relationships with those God has placed in my life.

I long to be transparent, to share my life - the good, the bad, the ugly. I find it easier though, to share only the deep or the superficial. I can tell the darkest secret of my life if it will help someone. I can keep it superficial when I find it hard to trust, and I usually do. However, I never allow anyone in to the real.

But today, as I cried out to God in my brokenness, I realized He sees the real. He loves the real. He knows the real. He is the place where I can be honest and broken, and real.

I enter into worship, and almost immediately begin to cry before the Lord. I find there with tears streaming that I am free. I don't want to leave that wholeness I find in Christ. He brought me to this place, and He does not despise that sacrifice.

Psalm 51:17 NKJV. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart These, O God, You will not despise.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Bye Bye

The last few days I have really felt led to get rid of my Facebook. Not just fast it, which I have done several times, but to completely do away with it all together. Several times I have thought about it, but justified keeping it because so many people only post to Facebook and expect everyone will learn the news there. I mean my daughter made her engagement "Facebook official" before calling me. Yes, it made me cry, but it is the day and age unfortunately.

In addition, I try to be uplifting and positive in my posts, and have used it as a little ministry. I looked back at my years in review and the little photos that I have shared with sayings and although there are a few little cute ones in there, ultimately they are positive Christ centered messages. I will continue to post here on my blog, maybe even more frequently than I have as of late.

I realize in doing this, some things will have to change. My children will be more open to media checks than they have been. I will have to pick up the phone to get information, or better yet, go visit!

I think I will have more time to invest in other things. Writing, studying God's Word, and family and friends. So as soon as I get all my pictures downloaded - Bye Bye Facebook.

A prayer for the soldiers

Lord, on this day of memory I lift up our soldiers and their families. Keep a hedge of protection around them, strengthen them, encourage them. Lord pour out your blessing on those families who have given the ultimate sacrifice of life for our nation's freedom, wrap them in your arms of love and compassion.

Lord give wisdom, guidance and direction to our leaders and pastors on this day. In this time of battles for separation of church and state, let there be compassion and understanding. Lord, help each to extend their hands of love to help the other for the good of Your Kingdom and our Nation.

Lord place a hedge of protect around our emergency personnel. Lord each day, they offer thier service, we recognize they also offer their life not knowing what they will walk into. Guide their steps. Bless them for the work they willingly do.

Lord be with doctors and nurses who are helping people this day. Give them extra compassion for those they help. Let your healing mercies flow through them.

Lord, allow your arms of comfort and encouragement to surround those who lost loved ones in the tragedy of 9-11. Make Yourself real to them this day.

Turn our nation's heart back to you. In Jesus name. AMEN!