As I drove home from Olathe the other day, I crossed the Kansas line into Missouri and started seeing the signs that pointed to familiar locations for me. I thought about the things that led me away from the place that I once called home; and honestly the last place I truly felt at home.
I realize that life often throws us unexpected turns. I love the friends I have met since leaving KC, and I love the three jobs that I have had since that time, but I miss having a place I called home (even if I own one now, and the one I lived in there was just a townhouse). I really felt homesick.
That made me start thinking about how I ended up where I am now. I started thinking about the things that had changed, and the things that stayed the same. I can see the lessons that I have learned from the path I have chosen. My walk with God is closer, I have a greater dependency on him. But I also wonder about the missed doors, the missed opportunities.
I know that playing "what if..." can be dangerous, but as I drove I allowed myself to wonder how things might have been different, if I had placed my life in God's hands completely back in 2001. If I had stood in faith knowing that God would meet my needs instead of turning to my extended family when my husband took a sabbatical from real life. I wondered about the children and families that I worked with at the time, and how I might have impacted their life. I questioned if I had submitted to devil's plans because of the lives I might have impacted for Christ had I stood on the Solid Rock.
This thought process was very sobering. I stopped to think of something I heard that supposedly was written by Billy Graham. I heard that God had showed him, that he was not His first choice for the role that Mr. Graham played in the modern church. Mr. Graham was just the first one who was obedient to the call.
I realized that I do not want to miss any more doors. Standing in faith is not always easy. Sometimes God has to take us down to nothing before we are willing to turn to Him. Sometimes, like in my case He has to do that more than once to get it through the thick head.
I ended my thought about missed doors with the song from 33 Miles - One Life To Love
From the album One Life:
You only get just one time around, you only get one shot at this
One chance to find out the one thing that you don’t wanna miss
One day when it’s all said and done I hope you see that it was enough
This one ride, one try, one life to love
I just know that with one chance, I want to make the right decision more often then not. I want to be led by the Spirit, not ignore Him. I want to be obedient and submissive to Him. I don't want to miss any opportunities to reach others for Christ.