I have started reading Forgotten God by Frances Chan. As I read it, I was convicted by my need for control. He pointed out that when we feel the need to be in control, we quench the Holy Spirit.
As I was driving home, this was on my mind. I do not want to quench the Holy Spirit, I know that it is directly against the word of God. I was thinking about how I could learn to give up control and honestly, if I really wanted to give up control. I realize I like to be in control, unless it is something that is not important to me - at which time I can relinquish it (sorta). I know there is no point in hiding that from God, so I am just honest about it - I like to be in control, and when I submit to Him, although I will find freedom, I have to give Him control.
As I thought about control, I got this vision of control top pantyhose. First off I hate pantyhose, and I am certain that a man must have created the control top. If you look at the part that is "controlled", it looks okay. Maybe it is just me, but when you wear them - you end up with this muffin top kind of experience where the control top ends and things just explode out.
I realized this happens in life also as I try to take control of things that really should be submitted by me to the control of Holy Spirit. On the surface, it may look like I have control, like things are managed and working out okay. However feelings of frustration, anger, and sadness start to push out over as I realize that I don't really have control at all. And while I don't want to admit that these feelings are a result of the fact my way isn't the best or that I really don;t have control. The reality is that often times, actually most times my way doesn't work out best. In fact, when what I "controlled" does work out, it is usually in spite of me, not because of me.
I wish I had the answer to how to want to give up control and how to really do it. I know I don't want my life to resemble a bad pair of control top pantyhose, so I will start with asking God to help me set my mind on what the Spirit desires, to help me to want to surrender that control and then to actually follow through with it. I realize that it will be a struggle, like trying to put on a pair of pantyhose that are two sizes to small. I have a feeling though that when I really give up control once and for all - that it will be a perfect fit!
Romans 8:5-7 (New International Version) Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so.