As I was standing in church Wednesday evening, completely drained emotionally. I was trying to praise God during praise and worship, I realized I was doing it wrong. I can't remember what song we were singing, just that I felt so empty. I firmly believe that while we go to church to get spiritually filled, that we should also be ministering to God while we are there, with our praise and worship, prayers, and being an open vessel for His use.
So I was having a little pity party prayer to God. I was making excuses about how rough my week had been and all the problems I was facing (as if He didn't know). Matthew 11:28-30 came to mind. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
As I thought about that scripture, I realized what I was doing wrong. I had gone through the motions that day and the days previous that week, but when I said amen to my prayers, I picked the problems back up and took them with me. When I read my Bible, I wasn't looking for truth and revelation. I was reading words on a page and not allowing them to speak to my life. When I had my time of praise and worship, I had sang words to a song - not words from my heart.
I realized that God was not giving me more than I could bare. I was chosing to carry more than I needed to. My choices to not give things to God, were weighing me down. I was opening myself up to be drained, so that Satan could use my state to render me an ineffective witness. I realized my biggest weak spot spiritually comes when I am emotionally drained.
It is not hard to stay emotionally drained when you deal with other people's tragadies every day. Especially if you have control issues and personalize what others are going through. Many parents take on the problems of their children - if something is wrong with the child, the parent personalizes it and attempts to carry that burden to spare a child. Well I do that with my kids, but also with every other person I work with - patients, clients, families, plus my own personal family and friends. I hate to see people hurting.
But I know that the right thing for me to do, is to commit each situation to God and leave it there for Him. He doesn't put the expectations on me, His yoke is light. I don't have to carry them and allow myself to be so drained I have nothing to give back. I can handle things as they arise, commit it to God, and continue on in my ministry.