There are a lot of nice things about living in a small town, but on my way to work I became frustrated with a small town I drove through. First, the highway I usually take is closed due to bridge work. I have to take a small farm road to get back to another highway to take me to the interstate. I came to a train track with the little rails that come down to block your way and flashing lights. The lights were flashing, one rail up and another down. I waited a few minutes and then it was clear a train wasn't coming, I drove around the guard, through the ditch.
Then I turn on my highway to take me to the interstate, and I waited 45 minutes for a wreck to be cleared. It must have just happened as I drove upon it, because much of the wait was for emergency personnel to get through the line of cars, who decided impatiently to turn around in the 2 lane road, thus blocking the emergency personnel and tow trucks from getting to the scene. The unfortunate thing was after that long wait, a sure test of my patience, I finally decided that I had to get out of the line of traffic and find my way down another farm road that might eventually lead me back to the highway I needed to get on to get to work.
I realized that sometimes, Christians are like that scene in the small town. First, God puts things in our path from going the wrong way, or for our safety. We decide it is easier to go around than back track or wait on God's timing. We don't call for help, like maybe I should have to help out the next person who came along to the flashing lights and guards. Instead, we do it our own way, in our own timing, often without consideration for anyone else. We don't stop to think that God puts roadblocks in our path for a reason.
Many times, Christians are insistent on the one way things are always done. I drive to work the same way every time, barring a road closure, which has happened a lot lately. I can't count the number of times I have heard someone in a church meeting say "That's how we have always done it." There are other, possibly better ways to do things, but as Christians we get stuck in a rut, conforming to things around instead of being transformed from faith to faith. We begin to trust our routine more than we do God to provide and help us grow.
On the way home, I had one more thought about small towns and how they can relate to small Christianity. It was almost midnight, and everything was black because things were all closed, no cars on the road, and only a few street lights. I was reminded of a quote I heard "If your church disappeared, would your community notice?" Hopefully we don't allow church to be contained in the four walls of a building, so that our lights stop shining with services are not being held. The world is dark without the light of Christian's sharing the good news of Christ. As Christians, we have to be out in the world to illuminate the darkness, lights don't shine very brightly when they are surrounded with light.
Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.
I was gonna title this Small Town Christianity, but I thought some might think I am implying that those in small towns can't live God-sized lives, so I changed it! Small groups have the ability to do great things for Christ!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The aftermath
It has been a month today since the tragic tornado in Joplin that claimed the lives of over 150 people and destroyed thousands of homes and businesses, leaving a large path of destruction. I praise God that I was not in Joplin that day, but was instead at home celebrating my daughter's high school graduation. I remember standing outside watching the storm that had just some time before ripped though Joplin, unbeknownst to me. It would be several hours before I would find out that the hospital I have worked for since April 2009 was destroyed.
I guess the stages of grief started immediately. I was in deep denial. I didn't believe that it had happened, and certainly would not believe the magnitude of the destruction. My friends and family questioned if I needed to do anything and what they could do. My heart felt helpless as I had no clue what to do. My mind knew that we have a disaster call list and that I would be called when and if they needed me. I got the call that night to come in the next day.
The following day, I went to Joplin. I needed to be there. I needed to feel like I was doing something. I also knew that many of my coworkers had lost everything. They needed to focus on their own basic needs, not those of others. I also knew that many of my coworkers had been working during the tornado, I knew that their adrenaline would soon run out and reality would start to set in. I knew the sooner they could start the process the better.
As I drove in, my route was detoured, so I had little knowledge of the extent of the damage and destruction. It was more of a personal inconvenience as traffic was insane, backed up and police directed as the stop lights were out. I had to get directions on my cellphone to a location that I had never been before, Memorial Hall.
I was protected from the devastation driving in to Joplin that day. Reading about tragedy, for me, is much different than seeing it or experiencing it first hand. And that first day, I had only read on the Internet reports and seen darkened news reports on television and heard things on the radio. I believe that was purposeful on God's part. I might not have been able to handle the trauma that I would need to help people through if it was being filtered through my own secondary trauma and loss.
When I got there, everyone was being ushered in to emergency shelter as a tornado warning was in effect. I would visit those emergency shelters three more times over the next twenty-four hours. Honestly, I would moan and complain about having to be in the basement of some building. I want to be able to see what is going on outside. They were on high alert, I was still in my own little world.
I spent the next 24 hours helping people seeking medical treatment to make sure their physical, social, emotional, and psychological needs were also met. I could see the Spirit of Mercy was alive and well, despite our home being gone. We talked with every patient and family that came in to assess for needs. Shelter was the most common need, and transportation, both were readily available.
Many people wait months before the onset of processing things, others wait a lifetime and let things build up to the point they have no other choice but professional help. For many, that Tuesday morning would be worse than the tornado. My heart broke the following day as people who had spent the night treating others, came back realizing they too were injured. Their emotions were raw, their faith broken.
I remember walking the perimeter of our makeshift hospital around midnight praying to God to comfort those who had suffered loss. I prayed for Him to give strength and energy to those wanting to reach out and help. I prayed for God to help workers find those who were still alive, and to identify those who were not. I knew that praying was the one thing I could do as the patient's stopped coming due to curfew.
My heart was blessed as I came back around to the main entrance of the building. People had been dropping off donations since I had arrived that morning. The whole entrance was full of clothing, shoes, hygiene products, water, food and other items people use on a daily basis. There were donations of medicine and other medical supplies that were needed. It truly was a work of God how quickly things had come together.
I left the following morning, and was unfortunately taken down through the hardest hit areas. I felt saddened as I saw the people rummaging through what was left of their homes. I was angered as I saw people who were, in my opinion, making light of personal tragedy as the drove snapping pictures of people's private pain. My heart sank as I saw the outside devastation of the hospital from Main Street, especially knowing that despite its damage, it was the only thing really standing off in the distance and that from where I was I shouldn't be able to see it.
I went home, emotionally and physically drained. I knew I would have to be to sleep after all that I saw and heard that 24 hours before. Every person with a story that needed to be told, every person with a pain that needed to be comforted, and every person with a loss more real than anything I have experienced. Sleep did not come easily.
Like I said, today it has been a month. At times, I still feel helpless. At other times selfish because I don't want to see anymore, seeing pictures of the inside of my hospital tore my heart. I don't like hearing the sirens, or anything like it. I can't imagine how those who lived through it feel.
Helping remove rubble from a destroyed home, gave me some sense of purpose, but it was so minimal compared to the needs I see before me. Comforting families who lost loved ones, providing encouragement, donating time and goods it all falls short of what is needed. But I know that it is going to take everyone doing something to meet the need. It is hard for me to go to Joplin, to work in a tent, that praise God meets the needs of the people, but is a constant reminder of what was lost.
Then I ram reminded that it is through our hardest times, that God draws the nearest. It is in our weakness, He is made strong. I think about the lessons I have learned from this devastation, and hope to get them shared soon here on my blog.
The following day, I went to Joplin. I needed to be there. I needed to feel like I was doing something. I also knew that many of my coworkers had lost everything. They needed to focus on their own basic needs, not those of others. I also knew that many of my coworkers had been working during the tornado, I knew that their adrenaline would soon run out and reality would start to set in. I knew the sooner they could start the process the better.
As I drove in, my route was detoured, so I had little knowledge of the extent of the damage and destruction. It was more of a personal inconvenience as traffic was insane, backed up and police directed as the stop lights were out. I had to get directions on my cellphone to a location that I had never been before, Memorial Hall.
I was protected from the devastation driving in to Joplin that day. Reading about tragedy, for me, is much different than seeing it or experiencing it first hand. And that first day, I had only read on the Internet reports and seen darkened news reports on television and heard things on the radio. I believe that was purposeful on God's part. I might not have been able to handle the trauma that I would need to help people through if it was being filtered through my own secondary trauma and loss.
When I got there, everyone was being ushered in to emergency shelter as a tornado warning was in effect. I would visit those emergency shelters three more times over the next twenty-four hours. Honestly, I would moan and complain about having to be in the basement of some building. I want to be able to see what is going on outside. They were on high alert, I was still in my own little world.
I spent the next 24 hours helping people seeking medical treatment to make sure their physical, social, emotional, and psychological needs were also met. I could see the Spirit of Mercy was alive and well, despite our home being gone. We talked with every patient and family that came in to assess for needs. Shelter was the most common need, and transportation, both were readily available.
Many people wait months before the onset of processing things, others wait a lifetime and let things build up to the point they have no other choice but professional help. For many, that Tuesday morning would be worse than the tornado. My heart broke the following day as people who had spent the night treating others, came back realizing they too were injured. Their emotions were raw, their faith broken.
I remember walking the perimeter of our makeshift hospital around midnight praying to God to comfort those who had suffered loss. I prayed for Him to give strength and energy to those wanting to reach out and help. I prayed for God to help workers find those who were still alive, and to identify those who were not. I knew that praying was the one thing I could do as the patient's stopped coming due to curfew.
My heart was blessed as I came back around to the main entrance of the building. People had been dropping off donations since I had arrived that morning. The whole entrance was full of clothing, shoes, hygiene products, water, food and other items people use on a daily basis. There were donations of medicine and other medical supplies that were needed. It truly was a work of God how quickly things had come together.
I left the following morning, and was unfortunately taken down through the hardest hit areas. I felt saddened as I saw the people rummaging through what was left of their homes. I was angered as I saw people who were, in my opinion, making light of personal tragedy as the drove snapping pictures of people's private pain. My heart sank as I saw the outside devastation of the hospital from Main Street, especially knowing that despite its damage, it was the only thing really standing off in the distance and that from where I was I shouldn't be able to see it.
I went home, emotionally and physically drained. I knew I would have to be to sleep after all that I saw and heard that 24 hours before. Every person with a story that needed to be told, every person with a pain that needed to be comforted, and every person with a loss more real than anything I have experienced. Sleep did not come easily.
Like I said, today it has been a month. At times, I still feel helpless. At other times selfish because I don't want to see anymore, seeing pictures of the inside of my hospital tore my heart. I don't like hearing the sirens, or anything like it. I can't imagine how those who lived through it feel.
Helping remove rubble from a destroyed home, gave me some sense of purpose, but it was so minimal compared to the needs I see before me. Comforting families who lost loved ones, providing encouragement, donating time and goods it all falls short of what is needed. But I know that it is going to take everyone doing something to meet the need. It is hard for me to go to Joplin, to work in a tent, that praise God meets the needs of the people, but is a constant reminder of what was lost.
Then I ram reminded that it is through our hardest times, that God draws the nearest. It is in our weakness, He is made strong. I think about the lessons I have learned from this devastation, and hope to get them shared soon here on my blog.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Self discipline
I was pausing my exercise program (EA Active Sports 2) today, sitting there trying to catch my breath, asking "When is this going to get easier?" I have been doing it eleven weeks, at least 4 days a week, sometimes more. I have burned over 14,502.5 calories, exercised 27 hours and 40 minutes, completed 73 workouts, and logged over 75.3 miles during this time. I mean, I am on the easiest level of the easiest level! Yet today, it feels just as hard for me as when I first started.
I thought "God why can't You just take this from me too? Why can't I just surrender this, and You handle it from there?" I admit, my own choices got me in the condition that I am in, and although I pray that I would just wake up one day and my health would be restored - AKA health weight, I know that I have to do my part and God will meet me there.
I thought about the other addictions I have faced, and the people that I work with who face addictions. I was reminded of a more prominent wealthy woman I worked with and our discussion about her alcohol addiction. With other drugs, you can avoid the people that sell them, you can cut off that part of your life, but with alcohol, you eventually have to go to the gas station, you have to go get groceries, and whether your ready or not to be strong and resist, you are going to be presented with alcohol as you go get gas or groceries. We discussed buying the gas at the pump, and maybe having someone else do the shopping for a while until she built up her ability to say no. Unfortunately with my current addiction, I also can not just avoid it until I am strong enough to face it.
I realized sitting there in the floor, that when God saw me through my addiction to pills, marijuana, alcohol, sexual sin, and cigarettes - I was able to just lay them down and God did the rest. I don't crave those things, and as far as I know there are no adverse effects that I still have to deal with because of my addictions. Although every now and then I have that thought of use, I can make a choice to say no. God meets me there every time.
I know that God is still there, meeting me where I am. I know that in my weakness, He is there in His strength. I know that He wants me to honor Him with my body. With my addiction of food, and how I let myself go by leading a sedentary lifestyle, I have to undo those things. I know I still have to say "yes" to the exercise, and "no" to the extra serving of food, and that He will be there, growing the fruit of self-control in my life. The exercise has become a habit, some days I enjoy it, other days I loathe it. I am watching my calories, some days I blow it, usually I stay within limits. I daily have to turn it over to God.
I realize that if God wanted to I could go to bed tonight and wake up in the morning weighing 130 pounds. I have to say, I would love that!!!! But I know that reality is over the past sixteen years I put myself in this shape, and as much as I dislike it, I may have to spend the next sixteen years getting out of it. I pray it doesn't take that long, but if it does, I will have to look daily for the lessons that God is teaching me through that process. I will have to daily die to self. There are no shortcuts in self-discipline.
I thought "God why can't You just take this from me too? Why can't I just surrender this, and You handle it from there?" I admit, my own choices got me in the condition that I am in, and although I pray that I would just wake up one day and my health would be restored - AKA health weight, I know that I have to do my part and God will meet me there.
I thought about the other addictions I have faced, and the people that I work with who face addictions. I was reminded of a more prominent wealthy woman I worked with and our discussion about her alcohol addiction. With other drugs, you can avoid the people that sell them, you can cut off that part of your life, but with alcohol, you eventually have to go to the gas station, you have to go get groceries, and whether your ready or not to be strong and resist, you are going to be presented with alcohol as you go get gas or groceries. We discussed buying the gas at the pump, and maybe having someone else do the shopping for a while until she built up her ability to say no. Unfortunately with my current addiction, I also can not just avoid it until I am strong enough to face it.
I realized sitting there in the floor, that when God saw me through my addiction to pills, marijuana, alcohol, sexual sin, and cigarettes - I was able to just lay them down and God did the rest. I don't crave those things, and as far as I know there are no adverse effects that I still have to deal with because of my addictions. Although every now and then I have that thought of use, I can make a choice to say no. God meets me there every time.
I know that God is still there, meeting me where I am. I know that in my weakness, He is there in His strength. I know that He wants me to honor Him with my body. With my addiction of food, and how I let myself go by leading a sedentary lifestyle, I have to undo those things. I know I still have to say "yes" to the exercise, and "no" to the extra serving of food, and that He will be there, growing the fruit of self-control in my life. The exercise has become a habit, some days I enjoy it, other days I loathe it. I am watching my calories, some days I blow it, usually I stay within limits. I daily have to turn it over to God.
I realize that if God wanted to I could go to bed tonight and wake up in the morning weighing 130 pounds. I have to say, I would love that!!!! But I know that reality is over the past sixteen years I put myself in this shape, and as much as I dislike it, I may have to spend the next sixteen years getting out of it. I pray it doesn't take that long, but if it does, I will have to look daily for the lessons that God is teaching me through that process. I will have to daily die to self. There are no shortcuts in self-discipline.
Monday, April 4, 2011
This place
I realize I have so much still to learn
I am faced with this, everywhere I turn.
Looking through a mirror not even big enough to see my face
How long will I be stuck in this place?
I can't see more than a small piece at a time
I just don't want Your presence to pass me by.
I want a true revelation of Your love and grace
I want to move forward in You and get out of this place
Teach me Your ways, teach me to praise
Help me to listen to only Your voice.
I am faced with this, everywhere I turn.
Looking through a mirror not even big enough to see my face
How long will I be stuck in this place?
I can't see more than a small piece at a time
I just don't want Your presence to pass me by.
I want a true revelation of Your love and grace
I want to move forward in You and get out of this place
Teach me Your ways, teach me to praise
Help me to listen to only Your voice.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
This is the stuff
There is a song by Francesca Barristelli that has become one of my favorite songs. It's called "This is the Stuff" and talks about how God uses the little frustrations in our life to help grow us spiritually and emotionally. I usually have a song on my lips, but this one I sing when I am starting
I can never remember all the words so I repeat the parts I know over, and over, and over again. I am sure it annoys those around me, but it is hard to let those negative feelings in when you are singing "This is the stuff that drives me crazy, This is the stuff that's getting to me lately, in the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed...."
Friday I was feeling pretty negative about the circumstances going on around me. I should have been able to sleep in, but a bill collector for someone else called me. Then as I worked out with the Kinect, it didn't want to register me doing the exercises. Then I got in the shower, the water was cold.
As I stood in the shower singing these words over and over again, until I meant what I was signing, with the cold water pouring down on me I realized how all these little things that were getting to me were just little blessings in disguise.
When the bill collector called, it really woke me up, so my day got started a little earlier. On the plus side, the lady calling had a job that would meet her needs, and maybe that of her family. If the other person wasn't behind, the bill collector might not have a job. It also means that someone counted me a reliable enough to list as a reference.
In addition, I still slept in more than most days. I am blessed to not be able to sleep in because it means that I have children I have to get off to school and a job to go to, when so many people pray for kids and need a job.
The Kinect not registering reminded me that we are blessed to have one. And I am healthy enough to be able to exercise. Plus I got extra workout which I know I need! God was just helping me move a little closer to a healthy lifestyle.
And then, my cold shower blessing. First off, as I felt my frustration growing I started turning my attention to God which is never a bad thing! I thanked him that I have children who were home from school and that obviously one of them was concerned about hygiene whether it was for taking a shower, cleaning their clothes, or doing dishes. They were at home instead of running around the streets. Then I started thanking him for the lady with job who woke me up, to bless the person with outstanding debt. I thanked him for my job and meeting my needs. I thanked him for the extras like the Kinect and for my health.
I got out of the cold shower feeling refreshed and blessed. It was really good to know I was not going to go start gripping about all the things going wrong in my day - not to say I didn't give my daughter a hard time since she was eating breakfast when I told her I was getting in the shower. It was just more of a tease than my normal griping.
Now I can't promise that later today, or tomorrow, or next week I won't be singing this song again to remind me that there is a blessing in every problem - whether its the lesson that God is trying to teach me through the frustration, if He is trying to grow me spiritually, or just that there really is something good about the thing that is getting too me. But it sure beats getting cranky and taking it out on those around me. Thank you God for the stuff that drives me crazy!
If you have never heard the song, or are just feeling frustrated - click on the hyperlink above and it will take you to Francesca Barristelli's website and her song!
I can never remember all the words so I repeat the parts I know over, and over, and over again. I am sure it annoys those around me, but it is hard to let those negative feelings in when you are singing "This is the stuff that drives me crazy, This is the stuff that's getting to me lately, in the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed...."
Friday I was feeling pretty negative about the circumstances going on around me. I should have been able to sleep in, but a bill collector for someone else called me. Then as I worked out with the Kinect, it didn't want to register me doing the exercises. Then I got in the shower, the water was cold.
As I stood in the shower singing these words over and over again, until I meant what I was signing, with the cold water pouring down on me I realized how all these little things that were getting to me were just little blessings in disguise.
When the bill collector called, it really woke me up, so my day got started a little earlier. On the plus side, the lady calling had a job that would meet her needs, and maybe that of her family. If the other person wasn't behind, the bill collector might not have a job. It also means that someone counted me a reliable enough to list as a reference.
In addition, I still slept in more than most days. I am blessed to not be able to sleep in because it means that I have children I have to get off to school and a job to go to, when so many people pray for kids and need a job.
The Kinect not registering reminded me that we are blessed to have one. And I am healthy enough to be able to exercise. Plus I got extra workout which I know I need! God was just helping me move a little closer to a healthy lifestyle.
And then, my cold shower blessing. First off, as I felt my frustration growing I started turning my attention to God which is never a bad thing! I thanked him that I have children who were home from school and that obviously one of them was concerned about hygiene whether it was for taking a shower, cleaning their clothes, or doing dishes. They were at home instead of running around the streets. Then I started thanking him for the lady with job who woke me up, to bless the person with outstanding debt. I thanked him for my job and meeting my needs. I thanked him for the extras like the Kinect and for my health.
I got out of the cold shower feeling refreshed and blessed. It was really good to know I was not going to go start gripping about all the things going wrong in my day - not to say I didn't give my daughter a hard time since she was eating breakfast when I told her I was getting in the shower. It was just more of a tease than my normal griping.
Now I can't promise that later today, or tomorrow, or next week I won't be singing this song again to remind me that there is a blessing in every problem - whether its the lesson that God is trying to teach me through the frustration, if He is trying to grow me spiritually, or just that there really is something good about the thing that is getting too me. But it sure beats getting cranky and taking it out on those around me. Thank you God for the stuff that drives me crazy!
If you have never heard the song, or are just feeling frustrated - click on the hyperlink above and it will take you to Francesca Barristelli's website and her song!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Be who you are
1 Samuel 17:38-40 Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them.
“I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.
As I read this scripture I thought how many times we try to be someone or something we are not. Maybe we try to "dress to impress," when really that is not who we are. Or we try to read up on something so we can be an "expert" when really we are just regurgitating the ideas and words of another.
I think whether we are doing this at the request of someone else - trying to fit into the mold they have made like Saul tried to have David do, or because of some fleshly desire of our own, it will never work.
We are uniquely designed to be the person God created us to be. When we try to put on something we are not, the burden becomes to heavy for us to bear because we weren't made for that. To often we try to make it a good fit, even though one size rarely fits all.
However, when we be who we are, we can succeed at what God designed us for no matter how impossible it seems. Just like David killing the giant with a small smooth stone.
“I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.
As I read this scripture I thought how many times we try to be someone or something we are not. Maybe we try to "dress to impress," when really that is not who we are. Or we try to read up on something so we can be an "expert" when really we are just regurgitating the ideas and words of another.
I think whether we are doing this at the request of someone else - trying to fit into the mold they have made like Saul tried to have David do, or because of some fleshly desire of our own, it will never work.
We are uniquely designed to be the person God created us to be. When we try to put on something we are not, the burden becomes to heavy for us to bear because we weren't made for that. To often we try to make it a good fit, even though one size rarely fits all.
However, when we be who we are, we can succeed at what God designed us for no matter how impossible it seems. Just like David killing the giant with a small smooth stone.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thoughts on marriage
I have been feeling led to start working on a group about marriage. I mean I teach relationship classes and relationship skills to couples, but it is material that I have been taught, and some that I have learned, but none that I feel completely passionate about. God has been leading me more to take time with the things I teach others and really apply His word to it, instead of the secular training I have.
So here are some initial thoughts about marriage that I quickly used to respond to a dear sister of mine about marriage.
You have to stop and make your marriage a priority. He should also, but one person can make the difference. Think about all the things you do in a day - do your actions show that you value 1) God, 2) Your Spouse 3) Your Children? So many times we put all the unimportant things first and neglect the things that should have our attention. We allow cooking, cleaning, work, the computer, the television, the ____ fill in the blank to take priority in our life.
As Christians, as wives, as mothers, we have to turn to God as the supreme source on relationships. That is what he created us for. As a wife you are called to respect your husband and submit to him. As a husband he is called to love as Christ loved the church. Unfortunately, our society has failed to recognize what God pointed out a long time ago - and that is relationships work in cycles. One person does their part, and the other eventually responds as they should. Our society has taught us that we are supposed to get love, to give love. But the Bible says it is more blessed
to give than to receive.
I Corinthians 13 says Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Start practicing, even when it is hard, loving your husband. Love him - God's way. Pray for him. Pray that God will give you a heart for your husband again. Start showing him patience. Start speaking kindness to him. Do not be envious when he does not immediately respond. Do not say "I am trying, He is not" - that is boastful and proud. Treat him with respect - it may have to start in the common courtesies we allow strangers, but seem to hold against those who are closest to us.
As far as no money and mixed schedules. Make time. Your marriage has to be a priority. Stay up 30 minutes to an hour later. It is free to offer a helping hand. Compliment him on the little things you have been taking for granted. Talk. Play a game. Take a walk together. I know we keep things G rated, but sex is free and it is in marriage God rated. Put the moves on your man. You know what your spouse would appreciate the most, the small things that make a difference to him. Set aside time together - as a must. Even if it means you take the kids to the park and sit and talk while they play - whatever it takes to keep your marriage alive. You were called to be a helpmate, not a roommate.
So here are some initial thoughts about marriage that I quickly used to respond to a dear sister of mine about marriage.
You have to stop and make your marriage a priority. He should also, but one person can make the difference. Think about all the things you do in a day - do your actions show that you value 1) God, 2) Your Spouse 3) Your Children? So many times we put all the unimportant things first and neglect the things that should have our attention. We allow cooking, cleaning, work, the computer, the television, the ____ fill in the blank to take priority in our life.
As Christians, as wives, as mothers, we have to turn to God as the supreme source on relationships. That is what he created us for. As a wife you are called to respect your husband and submit to him. As a husband he is called to love as Christ loved the church. Unfortunately, our society has failed to recognize what God pointed out a long time ago - and that is relationships work in cycles. One person does their part, and the other eventually responds as they should. Our society has taught us that we are supposed to get love, to give love. But the Bible says it is more blessed
to give than to receive.
I Corinthians 13 says Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Start practicing, even when it is hard, loving your husband. Love him - God's way. Pray for him. Pray that God will give you a heart for your husband again. Start showing him patience. Start speaking kindness to him. Do not be envious when he does not immediately respond. Do not say "I am trying, He is not" - that is boastful and proud. Treat him with respect - it may have to start in the common courtesies we allow strangers, but seem to hold against those who are closest to us.
As far as no money and mixed schedules. Make time. Your marriage has to be a priority. Stay up 30 minutes to an hour later. It is free to offer a helping hand. Compliment him on the little things you have been taking for granted. Talk. Play a game. Take a walk together. I know we keep things G rated, but sex is free and it is in marriage God rated. Put the moves on your man. You know what your spouse would appreciate the most, the small things that make a difference to him. Set aside time together - as a must. Even if it means you take the kids to the park and sit and talk while they play - whatever it takes to keep your marriage alive. You were called to be a helpmate, not a roommate.
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