Prepare

It's Christmas season, and while I should be preparing for the holidays, I just can not seem to get in the mood.  I think a lot has to do with the fact that there seems to be a falling away from the true meaning of Christmas.  There were lights in my neighborhood the week of Halloween.  Every time I drove past them, I had to make an excuse in my mind to not be infuriated with my neighbor for this craziness.  I would tell myself that sadly, this was the last holiday a loved one would see and they were trying to bring joy to loved one who would soon be with the Lord.   I realize it is a little morbid, but I was really angry driving by every single day for TWO months before Christmas seeing those lights. 

Then came Thanksgiving, which was completely overshadowed by retailers that were preparing to rake in the $$$ with ads on the television, billboards, radio ads and flyers.  This has continued. Thanksgiving morning when I made it to work and looked out from the 6th floor window towards the mall, I though that maybe the day would be celebrated by the community with gratitude and family.  There was not a car on the lot.  By 10:30 the parking lot was full, and my dream of a holiday completely focused on thankfulness was gone.  

Today I went through the steps of preparing for Christmas.  It used to be one of my favorite times of the year.  I anticipated December 6th every year so that we could set the tree up (my daughter's birthday is the 5th and I wouldn't start celebrating Christmas until we celebrated her day while she was still in the house).  I loved the Christmas music, the lights, the excitement.  I loved to buy gifts for the kids and my family.  I liked to draw it out with my own version of the twelve days of Christmas.  

But this year, I am missing the Spirit of Christmas.  I am physically prepared.  Today at the urging of my friends and family I went and bought a new tree.  I hung the wreath on the door.  I listened to Christmas music and shopped for the kids and my husband.  I bought for those less fortunate.  I came home and set up the tree and wrapped the presents.  Instead of getting in to the Christmas Spirit, I have a headache!

In eight days we will start the festivities with my family get together, again this is something that I look forward to usually.  I like to prepare the food and bake cookies with the children.  I like shopping for the perfect dirty Santa gift.  None of that seems to even spark my interest this year.  People keep asking what I want.  Although  I did come up with two things and I know that I am hard to shop for anyway, I really can't think of anything I really, really want.

Instead I am preparing to fake it in a few days and drum up excitement that I don't feel, to put on a show. 


This post is part of the link up for the Five Minute Friday over at Kate Motaung’s Blog , where you write for Five Minutes on a specific word and the goal is to just write & no editing. (It is supposed to be a free write)