Shadows

Psalms 91:1  He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

The definition of Shadow from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shadow

¹shad·ow

 noun \ˈsha-(ˌ)dō\

: a dark shape that appears on a surface when someone or something moves between the surface and a source of light

: an area of darkness created when a source of light is blocked

Driving yesterday, I was listening to a song, and while I can not remember the song, it talked about  the shadow of the Almighty.  I don't hear God audibly, but I heard Him loud and clear.  In order to abide under the shadow of the Almighty, you have to be exposed to the light.

Shadows happen when the source of light is blocked.  Going through some personal things, I realized that so many times Satan tries to get me to focus on the looming thing making me think that it  is blocking me from God.  Or makes me think the quietness is satan's darkness.  He makes me think that both are powerful forces of his making.

This verse though, reminds me that the shadow I abide under is God's.  That means when things are coming against me, and I feel like I am in the dark, it is actually Him standing in.  He is protecting me from what comes against me. When I abide in Him and dwell in the secret place I can live in the peace of His shadow.

Idols

I have been reading in I Kings and II Kings over the past few weeks. Last night I was captured by a repeated phase "And he did what was right in the sight of the Lord.  However the high places were not taken away, and the people still sacrificed and burned incense on the high places."

These kings did right in the sight of the Lord, but they still held on to ways that were not of God.  I thought about how this reflects the culture that we live in, even in the church.  We do what is right in the sight of the Lord, we read the Word, pray, attend church, give to those in need, tithe.  The things most people see as "Christian."  If we are compared to others, we are doing right, but the truth is , there are areas in our lives that are not in line with what God has for us.  

Those high places offered sacrifices to false god's - god's of greed, success, pleasure, sex, selfishness.  These are the same things that we covet in our society today.  We may not have a golden image that we offer incense and sacrifices too, but we worship these things still the same.  We put these things before God and then blame Him when things do not work out the way that we want them too in those areas.  

It is time that we put God first in every area of our life.  We must stop seeking after things that only bring temporal fulfillment and then leave us feeling empty again.  We must line up every area of our life, those seen by men and those not that are not seen, the high places that are "out of sight, out of mind" and walk in the ways of our Father.

New Creature

2 Corinthians 5:17 (AMP) Therefore if any person is [in grafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!

Sunday Pastor Cass was preaching on Who we are in Christ.  He shared II Corinthians 5:17.  I know the verse I can quote it.  Today it really spoke to me.  He read this from a different version than I am used to that stated that we have been in grafted.  God has become so much a part of us and us a part of him that you can't tell where He begins and where we end.

I have a hard time letting go of the past, in part because much of it was lost with the death of my childhood best friend.  I have not been defining myself as Christ has, because I have been stuck in the past.  I know who I am in Christ, but I have been holding on to "the facts according to Jackie", that no one could possibly understand who I am now because they can't know the full facts of who I was then.  Like people could not appreciate the work God has done because they couldn't understand all that He brought me out of.

When I would share my story at work I could relive that who I was and people could appreciate, at least enough to write a check to support the cause, the transformation that had occurred in my life.

The TRUTH is that I am an new creation.  Yes, I was born again before , but I never defined myself by who God says I am.  I had not truly accepted who Christ said I was.  The past is really gone.  Not because Jennifer died, because I said I was sorry and have changed, but because Christ said so.  I am a new creation.  I am not a better version, God didn't just fix pieces of my life and call it good - I am all new in Him.

Letting Go... A lesson in forgiveness

Many people walk through life with a grudge, waiting for those who hurt them to come and say “I am sorry.”  “I was wrong.”  “I shouldn’t have done _________.”  “Please forgive me.” “Let me make it up to you.”  While these are all great things for someone who has hurt someone to do, they are not necessary for forgiveness to occur. 

As a teenager, I placed myself in to situations that I should have never been.  Looking back, I was searching for something, but that is another chapter.  When I was thirteen years old, I went with a guy whom I met before with other friends.  We drove out to the backside of the lake for “driving lessons.”  Only he had in mind something else, which I did not want to give.  When his sexual advancements did not go as planned, he agreed that we would really go to a place where he could teach me to drive.  He drove us out into a remote area, and raped me.

That day, my innocence was stolen.  He took my virginity, kicking, screaming, and crying “no.”  To add insult to injury, he really did try to give me driving lessons after he raped me.  When he took me back to my house, he threatened me and my family.  He used power and control to keep me quiet, even though every part of me knew what he did was wrong. 

A few weeks later, a close friend commented on the change in my personality.  When I told him what happened, he and another guy beat up the guy that raped me.  My rapist’s friends ganged up against him, and eventually I was empowered enough to confront him.  Maybe not as I should have, but for a 14 year old girl to confront the man who raped her, not once but twice, I learned I could have a voice.

When I finally had the courage to tell someone other than friends, it was someone who should have responded differently.  I went to my school counselor.  She told me it was my fault.  It wasn’t an implied “it’s your fault.”  It was a flat out “It is your fault, look at how you dress.”  I thought back to what I had on that day – skinny jeans and a pink with black paisley long sleeved, over sized, button-up collared, shirt with black laced up tennis boots; certainly no different than most of the teenagers then, or now for that matter.   I took her words to heart and didn't speak of that for some time.  I played those comments in my head for years to come. 

My path had crossed with him one other time.   I again let everyone in the vicinity know what kind of person he was, but also learned that he really was just a teenage boy.  I had thought he was older, but he had given me his license to prove his age, he was two years older.  Later I learned from another friend, of at least three other victims.

As I am writing this, I did a search for his name.  He is still in the area.  There are charges in another state for murder.  He was convicted and sentenced to 15 years on a lesser charge of voluntary manslaughter, but the address for him is not jail, nor has it been 15 years since the sentence.

When my son was born, I came across his name in the arrest section of the paper.  I don’t know why it brought out so much rage and anxiety in me – he was locked up.  With some prompting from my Sunday school teacher. I wrote him a letter.  I poured out forgiveness in that letter.  He had never apologized, and except on the Day of Judgement before God, I doubt he ever will. 

Even though the letter eventually was returned to me, I found a release that day in the power I had given him over me.  I don’t have Post Traumatic Stress about the event. I can talk about it, and then I can let it go.  The guy, the rape, what was stolen, it is all just something that I learned from and use to help others.  I no longer play that counselor’s words in my mind, except to tell people I counsel “I don’t care if you are walking down the street buck naked it does not give anyone the right to touch your body.  Please understand I am not recommending that you walk down the street naked, I am just saying that “no” means “NO” regardless of how you are dressed or acted before you said no.”

Letting go is an important spiritual journey.  I had to let go of what happened, not for him, but for me.  I had to take back the power he tried to steal. I had to release the words spoken over me.  Those words could have destroyed me, instead I allowed them to propel me into a career to help others heal from others actions.  Letting go is good for the soul.

Overwhelmed

There  are  many  times  in  my  life  where I  feel  overwhelmed, I  am  currently  in  one  of  those  seasons.  Much  of  it  has  to  do  with  the  changes  going  on around  me.  I  have  jokingly  thought, I  need  to  plan a midlife crises because that is how overwhelmed I have been feeling.  It seems that change surrounds me on all fronts, and that the only stability I have comes from God.

It is hard not to be overwhelmed with a husband, three kids, two  grandchildren, an elderly mom that needs care, siblings that are in their own crises, extended  family problems, work during a busy time of the year while still in the midst of major changes, and trying to pursue my own interests and hobbies.  Sometimes I am not in the midst of the crises or problem due to my own schedule but due to my love for these people I am impacted.

And while I would love to have a pity party about my life and how overwhelmed I feel,  God  also  has overwhelmed  me lately.  The blessings that I have the opportunity to see while I am in the midst of my own trials is what fuels me to keep going and remind me of my advise to others to get outside themselves and serve so that their perspective on life will change.

So I thought I would share some overwhelming things that God has done lately in the lives of those around me.

I had a mom who was in need of formula.  She had went to the WIC office but the computers were down and they could not print out the vouchers.  The weather was coming in and the likelihood that the mother would be able to get back to the WIC office was slim.  I left her in the emergency pantry but there was only one container of formula.  It was liquid and might get her through a day and a half, but again the winter storms were coming and I was concerned she would be without formula for the baby.  I was out of gift cards that I would typically use in this situation, so she went back to her apartment.  A few minutes later a woman comes in and says "I haven't been able to give for a while, but I just felt that there was someone who needs something, you will know who it is for, and hands me cash.  God always has perfect timing and had sent her when the mom had been told she couldn't get her vouchers.

About a month and a half ago, God answered prayers in another real way.  I had a mother who was needing a new car seat.  Her baby had been in the carrier, but he was growing quick and she wanted to get him a convertible car seat.  We had been working on our Christmas wish lists and she decided that she wanted to put that on his list.  She told me to add it, then went outside to check the mail.  There was an almost new convertible car seat outside the door.

Around the same time another mom had been working on loosing weight and decided she would really like a bike.  We received several new bikes donated from a local vendor.  She started riding it back and forth to work and won the weight loss contest at her work.  That donation not only improved her self esteem, helped her live a healthy life style and set a great example for her son, she saved money in her budget not needing gas.

A child needed a coat.  A small local day care has a coat drive and calls to meet the need.  Again, I didn't let them know the need.  The director had already left a message on my phone when the mom asked.  It was a God thing.

A mom needed help with her rent.  I received a phone call that God had told this person that he needed to give to Havenwood a specific amount for a resident need.  It covered her shortfall.

I learned about a movie "Girl Rising" that I really wanted the residents to see, tickets were on sale but the movie was the same week.  I had decided whatever it took, I wanted as many of them to go as could.  I received a phone call from a business man (and that who story is another overwhelming God thing) who wanted to do a random act of kindness.  He paid for the tickets, a dedicated youth group came and watched the kids, and the moms, kids, and volunteers were fed!

Over the past two years we have remodeled our entire building inside.  Fifteen apartments, a laundry room, a library, two large common areas, a play room, a playground.  Now this one we asked for, but what we asked for and what we received was overwhelming!

At work I get to see regular blessings that just overwhelm me with God's generosity.  I have a lot of these stories, where a parent or child says "Jackie I would sure like to have...."  or "Jackie I need...."  And God always overwhelms me with the tangible answer to that request.  Yes, He uses people, churches and businesses to do it, but since I am not asking, and He is just providing, I know that it is Him.

Seeing these single parents succeed, overcoming barriers that most people would quit because, overwhelms me.  I  love when He answers so quickly after the mom presents the need, because this allows me to say without a doubt "It is a God thing.  He is just showing you how much He loves you."  I know some of the parents may not believe, but it is a seed planted and sometimes that is all I am called to do.  So today I will praise God for overwhelming me.

The Same Sacrifice

Numbers Chapter 7:12-88

As I read from Numbers this morning, I admit (It could have been that it was three a.m.) to being a little critical of what I read, but I thought "Why am I reading these same words twelve times in ONE chapter, and then it is finished off with a sum of all those  items.  Had it been to Word's of Christ, some profound point, I could have understood, but this is what I read:

 His offering was one silver charger, the weight whereof was an hundred and thirty shekels, one silver bowl of seventy shekels, after the shekel of the sanctuary; both of them full of fine flour mingled with oil for a meat offering:One golden spoon of ten shekels, full of incense: One young bullock, one ram, one lamb of the first year, for a burnt offering: One kid of the goats for a sin offering: And for a sacrifice of peace offerings, two oxen, five rams, five he goats, five lambs of the first year.

When it was time for me to start my day, I realized they all made the same sacrifice.  Yes, it was a redundancy to spell it out person by person, day after day for twelve days and over 89 total verses.  I don't believe God wastes words though, so what was the point He was trying to make.  His point was that big or small, strong or weak, repentant or not, they all required the same sacrifice. It didn't matter the size, what they had done, who they were.  They all required the same sacrifice.  

I think sometimes today I forget this.  I categorize sin, but the same sacrifice was required for all sin. I judge behaviors, but the same sacrifice was required to cover them all.   I justify words and actions, but the same sacrifice was required to cover them all.  Jesus Christ, the perfect sacrifice was required for every person regardless of race, gender, color, ability, orientation, beliefs, marital status, accepting of Him or not, repentant or not.  The same sacrifice was made for us all.    





  

Awaken Us

Today I had the opportunity to sit in a local church that was distributing assistance to those in need. When I drove up the place was packed with cars.  People were coming in and out, talking among themselves and eating and drinking refreshments that were provided.  Honestly,  it looked like most churches, most Sundays.

I selected a seat at the end of the hall holding a sleeping baby while the woman with me went to get her number.  She was number 51.  An hour later she learned that she made the cut because someone else did not qualify for help and was given an application.  An hour later they had reached #11 in the screening process. I left at 10:30 to take care of other things and they had started handing out checks to #11s and screening #24.At 12:30 I received a message she had been helped.

On a side note to all the churches who do this type of ministry, a big opportunity was missed.  While ministry may have happened as she went back for screening, the church really misses the opportunity of 50+ people sitting there in the hallway waiting to get assistance.  A captive audience, with a definite need, and receptive to help.  It was a great place to build relationship!

While I sat there visiting the young lady and playing with the baby, we shared conversation with an older man there and a gentleman with a familiar face that struck up a conversation as we tried to figure out the connection.  I mean I was just there half the time and can tell you work history, current needs, marital issues, where they live, legal history, where they have attended church, and current connections of the two others who joined our conversation and I was not trying to gather information.  The closest thing I saw to a ministry was when I sneezed and the gentleman said "God bless you." He jokingly told me that would be $5 for the blessing, but we laughed. 

Anyway back to the point of my blog.  As I sat there waiting and listening to the stories a comment was made that really woke me up.  Please understand I have worked in public welfare for thirteen years - I know the poverty, abuse, drugs, legal issues and mental health issues.  I deal with them daily.  But three things were said by these old timers that really stuck me to the core.  The comments were:

1) "I have been doing this (Seeking help) for seventeen years" - This man worked, had a home, a family.  He had made some poor choices that hurt his employ-ability, felony charges.  There were some things he could change to help his situation a little - he had more animals than he needed, but overall he was struggling to survive.  He is healthy, his wife is ill.  He works a minimum wage job because he is not longer eligible to work for the companies that pay more because of his background, and he can't make ends meet.  For seventeen years he has lived this way.  He was born and raised in this community - nature vs nurture we failed.

2) While looking at a dated picture of the church congregation no one was smiling. There was discussion of this, and I pointed out a little boy in the picture smiling. "They were the real Christians."    Probing further: "They were too serious to smile, but were filled with the Spirit and knew how to make things happen.  They are all gone now."

3) "Now Christian's are smiley, wave and Say "God bless you and I love you with the love of the Lord." and then walk on by not caring if you are in need.  They don't want to help, they say things and don't follow though, and don't really seem to care. They say "Come by anytime." but when you do, they say "oh not right now", or pretend they are not at home."

So I left there, and pondered on the comments throughout the day.  Until prayer meeting tonight - Awakening.  We have been praying for an awakening in the Northwest Arkansas region.  For THE CHURCH to awaken.

Ephesians 5:8-14 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit[b]is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth),  finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.  But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.  Therefore He says:“Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.”

What I felt in my spirit is that just as I thought that 'I knew the issues' that people were facing, I hadn't even scratched the surface with my statistics and resources.  The Church thinks we are awake, but we are sleeping.

 It is like when you dream that you are awake and it is so real that you don't realize you are sleeping.  That is how the church is, we think we see the things that are going on around us, that we are meeting the needs of the congregation and community, but we are not even scratching the surface.  We must awaken.  We must walk in the Light.  We must expose the work of darkness.  It is time for the Church to awaken to the things we have allowed to take place on our watch.