If you fear the Lord and serve Him and obey His voice, and do not rebel against the commandment of the Lord, then both you and the king who reigns over you will continue following the Lord your God. 1 Samuel 12:14 NKJV
I read this verse and what stuck out to me is the writer was talking to a specific person or group of people about fearing God, serving God, obeying and not rebelling. But the promise that comes with it, is not just for the audience, it is for the ruler over the audience too.
I immediately turned my attention to "the king who reigns over you will continue following the Lord your God. Speaking only for myself, I want leaders over me that are following God. I pray on a regular basis for God to lead, guide, direct and give wisdom to those in authority over me. This verse, in the first part says what I must do for the second part, which is what I want, to happen.
So this verse makes me think that instead of Christian's complaining about our leaders actions destroying our country, we need to be fearing God. Instead of complaining about our leaders actions, we need to be serving God. Instead of complaining about the laws and policies, we need to be obeying the Spirit and Letter of His Word. Instead of picketing and protesting, we need to not rebel against His correction.
I believe that a lot needs to change in our great country, but I know that it must be done God's way to bring about lasting change. I believe that there must be accountability in our leadership, but I also know ultimately they will answer to God for their actions. I believe in grass roots change and advocacy, but just like in Daniel 1:8-19 and Daniel 3:16-30, it must be done respectfully, honoring the position even when disobedience to the decree is needed.
God's Word is unchanging. It it was true then, it is still true now. If God required fearing Him, serving Him, obeying Him and not rebelling against His command then - it is no wonder that our nation is in the state it is in. Our nation's actions are not fearful of God, they are fearful of public opinion. Although service is increasing, one has to question if it is self-motivated service (it will look good on my application for work or college or for the judge or this girl/boy, etc), not God driven service. Obedience has been out the door for a long time as the nation rebels against every one of the ten commandments - working on the Sabbath, lying to get ahead, abortion, adultery as prime time TV, and keeping up with the Jones' to name a few.
So it is time for a change in our county leaders, election in next year. Let's try it God's way. Lets spend the next 13 months in preparation for the election with a reverent fear of God, serving one another to bring Him glory, being obedient to Him and not rebelling against His commands. That is how we will get a leader that is really following the Lord our God.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Lessons of Destruction in the Aftermath
In the days following the May 22, 2011 tornado in Joplin, I spent hours driving back and forth searching for God to reveal Himself to me in the midst of the aftermath. He showed me many things, not really about the storm, but about life during those long drives.
The first thing was about the destruction that lay before me, and at times all around me.
The morning following the storm, as I drove into Joplin I was rerouted and missed the true picture of the destruction. So many times in life that is what happens as we step into sin. We reroute off the narrow path into the broad road. We don't see how the sin is impacting us, and so we see no reason to stop.
The second day, as I left I drove directly into the destruction. It was overwhelming to say the least. I so wanted to get out of it, but I didn't know how to because I couldn't see my way out. There were no road signs and no structures to guide me to where I needed to be, so I had to go through the destruction that the tornado had cause. I realize so many times we get into a life of sin and lose our way. Then we realize that it is overwhelming and we don't want to be in it. Unfortunately, we often have to work our way through the destruction to come out on the other side.
When I went back on the fourth day, I was able to go more of my regular route. I made it into Joplin before I saw any signs of the destruction, and even those were deceiving to the real damage. I saw a road sign, and two billboards destroyed. I thought about how sometimes, people will see that we are headed into destruction and they can see what is going to happen, they see the signs and try to warn us about the destruction we are headed for, but we ignore it and continue on.
A few weeks after the tornado, I went and helped a coworker whose home was destroyed, but there were some things in the home salvageable. The coworker had written everything off, but was willing with some convincing to let us come help with "clean up." I thought about how many times, even as Christian's we write off people as destroyed when they are in the midst of personal sin and destruction. I thank God that He doesn't write us off, but instead convinces others to come along side us and show us the truth of our worth and value. I thought how many lives could be salvaged for Christ if Christians would just be willing to roll up their sleeves, offer hope to the hopeless and be willing to help people clean up their lives.
As I see the destruction today, my heart still sinks at times. It can be so overwhelming, as the television and pictures are nothing to the reality of what is there. However, I am also filled with hope for the future. I know that we, that the Joplin community will rise from the destruction. I see and hear the resiliency that as Christians we should also have, as we know the end of the story. We know that no weapon formed against us shall prosper and that no mater what we come up against, no matter where we derailed that with God all things are possible if we just believe and stand in faith.
Psalm 107:19-21(NKJV)Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,And He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destruction. Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
The first thing was about the destruction that lay before me, and at times all around me.
The morning following the storm, as I drove into Joplin I was rerouted and missed the true picture of the destruction. So many times in life that is what happens as we step into sin. We reroute off the narrow path into the broad road. We don't see how the sin is impacting us, and so we see no reason to stop.
The second day, as I left I drove directly into the destruction. It was overwhelming to say the least. I so wanted to get out of it, but I didn't know how to because I couldn't see my way out. There were no road signs and no structures to guide me to where I needed to be, so I had to go through the destruction that the tornado had cause. I realize so many times we get into a life of sin and lose our way. Then we realize that it is overwhelming and we don't want to be in it. Unfortunately, we often have to work our way through the destruction to come out on the other side.
When I went back on the fourth day, I was able to go more of my regular route. I made it into Joplin before I saw any signs of the destruction, and even those were deceiving to the real damage. I saw a road sign, and two billboards destroyed. I thought about how sometimes, people will see that we are headed into destruction and they can see what is going to happen, they see the signs and try to warn us about the destruction we are headed for, but we ignore it and continue on.
A few weeks after the tornado, I went and helped a coworker whose home was destroyed, but there were some things in the home salvageable. The coworker had written everything off, but was willing with some convincing to let us come help with "clean up." I thought about how many times, even as Christian's we write off people as destroyed when they are in the midst of personal sin and destruction. I thank God that He doesn't write us off, but instead convinces others to come along side us and show us the truth of our worth and value. I thought how many lives could be salvaged for Christ if Christians would just be willing to roll up their sleeves, offer hope to the hopeless and be willing to help people clean up their lives.
As I see the destruction today, my heart still sinks at times. It can be so overwhelming, as the television and pictures are nothing to the reality of what is there. However, I am also filled with hope for the future. I know that we, that the Joplin community will rise from the destruction. I see and hear the resiliency that as Christians we should also have, as we know the end of the story. We know that no weapon formed against us shall prosper and that no mater what we come up against, no matter where we derailed that with God all things are possible if we just believe and stand in faith.
Psalm 107:19-21(NKJV)Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,And He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destruction. Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
Purpose and Blessings in the Storm
It has been three months today since destruction hit Joplin, and indirectly impacted my life as my workplace was destroyed and life as I knew it was changed.
Many thoughts have come to me as I hear the stories from people at work, patients, families, that were directly impacted by the tornado. People who were in it. People who lost everything. People who lost loved ones. There are days still that my breath is taken away as I hear people tell their stories. Stories they need to tell to heal.
One thing that sticks out most to me about the tragedy is the compassion and unity that was birthed out of it. Shortly after the tornado, I started hearing things and reading thing about how the destruction was God's fury at Joplin. I admit, that certainly enraged me. God is a God of love, and is not willing that any should perish.
While God can and does calm the storm, sometimes it is what is birthed out of the tragedy that is God's desire, not the destruction itself. As I looked around Joplin the day following the storm, and even today three months later - one thing stands out. People helping people. On a small scale, I know that was there before, but tragedy on the scale of what happened in Joplin, has a way of bringing people of all types together for a common cause.
People, as a whole, support the community of Joplin. They support the rebuilding. They want to help and they want to find a way to give time, money, resources. Even those with what would be considered nothing, want to help. That is to be the purpose that comes out of devastation - to wake up the world to reach out and help each other. Any other time, we go about our daily lives completely oblivious to the world's pain around us. On occasion, we might be bothered to help a friend or family member who is in need, but rarely do people reach out and help a stranger.
And yet, that is what has been happening for the last three months. Strangers from across town, across the county, across the state, across the nation, and even across the world have been reaching out to help complete strangers. So when I hear people ask where God was, I know the answer. He was right there in the storm.
Isaiah 25:3-4(NKJV) Therefore the strong people will glorify You; The city of the terrible nations will fear You. For You have been a strength to the poor, A strength to the needy in his distress, A refuge from the storm, A shade from the heat.
And when I hear people offer hurtful explanations to the destruction, I am reminded that sometimes the storm is for our blessing, and to call us into the actions that will bring us that blessing.
Matthew 10:40-42(NKJV)“He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward. And he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man’s reward. And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.”
Many thoughts have come to me as I hear the stories from people at work, patients, families, that were directly impacted by the tornado. People who were in it. People who lost everything. People who lost loved ones. There are days still that my breath is taken away as I hear people tell their stories. Stories they need to tell to heal.
One thing that sticks out most to me about the tragedy is the compassion and unity that was birthed out of it. Shortly after the tornado, I started hearing things and reading thing about how the destruction was God's fury at Joplin. I admit, that certainly enraged me. God is a God of love, and is not willing that any should perish.
While God can and does calm the storm, sometimes it is what is birthed out of the tragedy that is God's desire, not the destruction itself. As I looked around Joplin the day following the storm, and even today three months later - one thing stands out. People helping people. On a small scale, I know that was there before, but tragedy on the scale of what happened in Joplin, has a way of bringing people of all types together for a common cause.
People, as a whole, support the community of Joplin. They support the rebuilding. They want to help and they want to find a way to give time, money, resources. Even those with what would be considered nothing, want to help. That is to be the purpose that comes out of devastation - to wake up the world to reach out and help each other. Any other time, we go about our daily lives completely oblivious to the world's pain around us. On occasion, we might be bothered to help a friend or family member who is in need, but rarely do people reach out and help a stranger.
And yet, that is what has been happening for the last three months. Strangers from across town, across the county, across the state, across the nation, and even across the world have been reaching out to help complete strangers. So when I hear people ask where God was, I know the answer. He was right there in the storm.
Isaiah 25:3-4(NKJV) Therefore the strong people will glorify You; The city of the terrible nations will fear You. For You have been a strength to the poor, A strength to the needy in his distress, A refuge from the storm, A shade from the heat.
And when I hear people offer hurtful explanations to the destruction, I am reminded that sometimes the storm is for our blessing, and to call us into the actions that will bring us that blessing.
Matthew 10:40-42(NKJV)“He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward. And he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man’s reward. And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.”
Small Christianity
There are a lot of nice things about living in a small town, but on my way to work I became frustrated with a small town I drove through. First, the highway I usually take is closed due to bridge work. I have to take a small farm road to get back to another highway to take me to the interstate. I came to a train track with the little rails that come down to block your way and flashing lights. The lights were flashing, one rail up and another down. I waited a few minutes and then it was clear a train wasn't coming, I drove around the guard, through the ditch.
Then I turn on my highway to take me to the interstate, and I waited 45 minutes for a wreck to be cleared. It must have just happened as I drove upon it, because much of the wait was for emergency personnel to get through the line of cars, who decided impatiently to turn around in the 2 lane road, thus blocking the emergency personnel and tow trucks from getting to the scene. The unfortunate thing was after that long wait, a sure test of my patience, I finally decided that I had to get out of the line of traffic and find my way down another farm road that might eventually lead me back to the highway I needed to get on to get to work.
I realized that sometimes, Christians are like that scene in the small town. First, God puts things in our path from going the wrong way, or for our safety. We decide it is easier to go around than back track or wait on God's timing. We don't call for help, like maybe I should have to help out the next person who came along to the flashing lights and guards. Instead, we do it our own way, in our own timing, often without consideration for anyone else. We don't stop to think that God puts roadblocks in our path for a reason.
Many times, Christians are insistent on the one way things are always done. I drive to work the same way every time, barring a road closure, which has happened a lot lately. I can't count the number of times I have heard someone in a church meeting say "That's how we have always done it." There are other, possibly better ways to do things, but as Christians we get stuck in a rut, conforming to things around instead of being transformed from faith to faith. We begin to trust our routine more than we do God to provide and help us grow.
On the way home, I had one more thought about small towns and how they can relate to small Christianity. It was almost midnight, and everything was black because things were all closed, no cars on the road, and only a few street lights. I was reminded of a quote I heard "If your church disappeared, would your community notice?" Hopefully we don't allow church to be contained in the four walls of a building, so that our lights stop shining with services are not being held. The world is dark without the light of Christian's sharing the good news of Christ. As Christians, we have to be out in the world to illuminate the darkness, lights don't shine very brightly when they are surrounded with light.
Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.
I was gonna title this Small Town Christianity, but I thought some might think I am implying that those in small towns can't live God-sized lives, so I changed it! Small groups have the ability to do great things for Christ!
Then I turn on my highway to take me to the interstate, and I waited 45 minutes for a wreck to be cleared. It must have just happened as I drove upon it, because much of the wait was for emergency personnel to get through the line of cars, who decided impatiently to turn around in the 2 lane road, thus blocking the emergency personnel and tow trucks from getting to the scene. The unfortunate thing was after that long wait, a sure test of my patience, I finally decided that I had to get out of the line of traffic and find my way down another farm road that might eventually lead me back to the highway I needed to get on to get to work.
I realized that sometimes, Christians are like that scene in the small town. First, God puts things in our path from going the wrong way, or for our safety. We decide it is easier to go around than back track or wait on God's timing. We don't call for help, like maybe I should have to help out the next person who came along to the flashing lights and guards. Instead, we do it our own way, in our own timing, often without consideration for anyone else. We don't stop to think that God puts roadblocks in our path for a reason.
Many times, Christians are insistent on the one way things are always done. I drive to work the same way every time, barring a road closure, which has happened a lot lately. I can't count the number of times I have heard someone in a church meeting say "That's how we have always done it." There are other, possibly better ways to do things, but as Christians we get stuck in a rut, conforming to things around instead of being transformed from faith to faith. We begin to trust our routine more than we do God to provide and help us grow.
On the way home, I had one more thought about small towns and how they can relate to small Christianity. It was almost midnight, and everything was black because things were all closed, no cars on the road, and only a few street lights. I was reminded of a quote I heard "If your church disappeared, would your community notice?" Hopefully we don't allow church to be contained in the four walls of a building, so that our lights stop shining with services are not being held. The world is dark without the light of Christian's sharing the good news of Christ. As Christians, we have to be out in the world to illuminate the darkness, lights don't shine very brightly when they are surrounded with light.
Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.
I was gonna title this Small Town Christianity, but I thought some might think I am implying that those in small towns can't live God-sized lives, so I changed it! Small groups have the ability to do great things for Christ!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The aftermath
It has been a month today since the tragic tornado in Joplin that claimed the lives of over 150 people and destroyed thousands of homes and businesses, leaving a large path of destruction. I praise God that I was not in Joplin that day, but was instead at home celebrating my daughter's high school graduation. I remember standing outside watching the storm that had just some time before ripped though Joplin, unbeknownst to me. It would be several hours before I would find out that the hospital I have worked for since April 2009 was destroyed.
I guess the stages of grief started immediately. I was in deep denial. I didn't believe that it had happened, and certainly would not believe the magnitude of the destruction. My friends and family questioned if I needed to do anything and what they could do. My heart felt helpless as I had no clue what to do. My mind knew that we have a disaster call list and that I would be called when and if they needed me. I got the call that night to come in the next day.
The following day, I went to Joplin. I needed to be there. I needed to feel like I was doing something. I also knew that many of my coworkers had lost everything. They needed to focus on their own basic needs, not those of others. I also knew that many of my coworkers had been working during the tornado, I knew that their adrenaline would soon run out and reality would start to set in. I knew the sooner they could start the process the better.
As I drove in, my route was detoured, so I had little knowledge of the extent of the damage and destruction. It was more of a personal inconvenience as traffic was insane, backed up and police directed as the stop lights were out. I had to get directions on my cellphone to a location that I had never been before, Memorial Hall.
I was protected from the devastation driving in to Joplin that day. Reading about tragedy, for me, is much different than seeing it or experiencing it first hand. And that first day, I had only read on the Internet reports and seen darkened news reports on television and heard things on the radio. I believe that was purposeful on God's part. I might not have been able to handle the trauma that I would need to help people through if it was being filtered through my own secondary trauma and loss.
When I got there, everyone was being ushered in to emergency shelter as a tornado warning was in effect. I would visit those emergency shelters three more times over the next twenty-four hours. Honestly, I would moan and complain about having to be in the basement of some building. I want to be able to see what is going on outside. They were on high alert, I was still in my own little world.
I spent the next 24 hours helping people seeking medical treatment to make sure their physical, social, emotional, and psychological needs were also met. I could see the Spirit of Mercy was alive and well, despite our home being gone. We talked with every patient and family that came in to assess for needs. Shelter was the most common need, and transportation, both were readily available.
Many people wait months before the onset of processing things, others wait a lifetime and let things build up to the point they have no other choice but professional help. For many, that Tuesday morning would be worse than the tornado. My heart broke the following day as people who had spent the night treating others, came back realizing they too were injured. Their emotions were raw, their faith broken.
I remember walking the perimeter of our makeshift hospital around midnight praying to God to comfort those who had suffered loss. I prayed for Him to give strength and energy to those wanting to reach out and help. I prayed for God to help workers find those who were still alive, and to identify those who were not. I knew that praying was the one thing I could do as the patient's stopped coming due to curfew.
My heart was blessed as I came back around to the main entrance of the building. People had been dropping off donations since I had arrived that morning. The whole entrance was full of clothing, shoes, hygiene products, water, food and other items people use on a daily basis. There were donations of medicine and other medical supplies that were needed. It truly was a work of God how quickly things had come together.
I left the following morning, and was unfortunately taken down through the hardest hit areas. I felt saddened as I saw the people rummaging through what was left of their homes. I was angered as I saw people who were, in my opinion, making light of personal tragedy as the drove snapping pictures of people's private pain. My heart sank as I saw the outside devastation of the hospital from Main Street, especially knowing that despite its damage, it was the only thing really standing off in the distance and that from where I was I shouldn't be able to see it.
I went home, emotionally and physically drained. I knew I would have to be to sleep after all that I saw and heard that 24 hours before. Every person with a story that needed to be told, every person with a pain that needed to be comforted, and every person with a loss more real than anything I have experienced. Sleep did not come easily.
Like I said, today it has been a month. At times, I still feel helpless. At other times selfish because I don't want to see anymore, seeing pictures of the inside of my hospital tore my heart. I don't like hearing the sirens, or anything like it. I can't imagine how those who lived through it feel.
Helping remove rubble from a destroyed home, gave me some sense of purpose, but it was so minimal compared to the needs I see before me. Comforting families who lost loved ones, providing encouragement, donating time and goods it all falls short of what is needed. But I know that it is going to take everyone doing something to meet the need. It is hard for me to go to Joplin, to work in a tent, that praise God meets the needs of the people, but is a constant reminder of what was lost.
Then I ram reminded that it is through our hardest times, that God draws the nearest. It is in our weakness, He is made strong. I think about the lessons I have learned from this devastation, and hope to get them shared soon here on my blog.
The following day, I went to Joplin. I needed to be there. I needed to feel like I was doing something. I also knew that many of my coworkers had lost everything. They needed to focus on their own basic needs, not those of others. I also knew that many of my coworkers had been working during the tornado, I knew that their adrenaline would soon run out and reality would start to set in. I knew the sooner they could start the process the better.
As I drove in, my route was detoured, so I had little knowledge of the extent of the damage and destruction. It was more of a personal inconvenience as traffic was insane, backed up and police directed as the stop lights were out. I had to get directions on my cellphone to a location that I had never been before, Memorial Hall.
I was protected from the devastation driving in to Joplin that day. Reading about tragedy, for me, is much different than seeing it or experiencing it first hand. And that first day, I had only read on the Internet reports and seen darkened news reports on television and heard things on the radio. I believe that was purposeful on God's part. I might not have been able to handle the trauma that I would need to help people through if it was being filtered through my own secondary trauma and loss.
When I got there, everyone was being ushered in to emergency shelter as a tornado warning was in effect. I would visit those emergency shelters three more times over the next twenty-four hours. Honestly, I would moan and complain about having to be in the basement of some building. I want to be able to see what is going on outside. They were on high alert, I was still in my own little world.
I spent the next 24 hours helping people seeking medical treatment to make sure their physical, social, emotional, and psychological needs were also met. I could see the Spirit of Mercy was alive and well, despite our home being gone. We talked with every patient and family that came in to assess for needs. Shelter was the most common need, and transportation, both were readily available.
Many people wait months before the onset of processing things, others wait a lifetime and let things build up to the point they have no other choice but professional help. For many, that Tuesday morning would be worse than the tornado. My heart broke the following day as people who had spent the night treating others, came back realizing they too were injured. Their emotions were raw, their faith broken.
I remember walking the perimeter of our makeshift hospital around midnight praying to God to comfort those who had suffered loss. I prayed for Him to give strength and energy to those wanting to reach out and help. I prayed for God to help workers find those who were still alive, and to identify those who were not. I knew that praying was the one thing I could do as the patient's stopped coming due to curfew.
My heart was blessed as I came back around to the main entrance of the building. People had been dropping off donations since I had arrived that morning. The whole entrance was full of clothing, shoes, hygiene products, water, food and other items people use on a daily basis. There were donations of medicine and other medical supplies that were needed. It truly was a work of God how quickly things had come together.
I left the following morning, and was unfortunately taken down through the hardest hit areas. I felt saddened as I saw the people rummaging through what was left of their homes. I was angered as I saw people who were, in my opinion, making light of personal tragedy as the drove snapping pictures of people's private pain. My heart sank as I saw the outside devastation of the hospital from Main Street, especially knowing that despite its damage, it was the only thing really standing off in the distance and that from where I was I shouldn't be able to see it.
I went home, emotionally and physically drained. I knew I would have to be to sleep after all that I saw and heard that 24 hours before. Every person with a story that needed to be told, every person with a pain that needed to be comforted, and every person with a loss more real than anything I have experienced. Sleep did not come easily.
Like I said, today it has been a month. At times, I still feel helpless. At other times selfish because I don't want to see anymore, seeing pictures of the inside of my hospital tore my heart. I don't like hearing the sirens, or anything like it. I can't imagine how those who lived through it feel.
Helping remove rubble from a destroyed home, gave me some sense of purpose, but it was so minimal compared to the needs I see before me. Comforting families who lost loved ones, providing encouragement, donating time and goods it all falls short of what is needed. But I know that it is going to take everyone doing something to meet the need. It is hard for me to go to Joplin, to work in a tent, that praise God meets the needs of the people, but is a constant reminder of what was lost.
Then I ram reminded that it is through our hardest times, that God draws the nearest. It is in our weakness, He is made strong. I think about the lessons I have learned from this devastation, and hope to get them shared soon here on my blog.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Self discipline
I was pausing my exercise program (EA Active Sports 2) today, sitting there trying to catch my breath, asking "When is this going to get easier?" I have been doing it eleven weeks, at least 4 days a week, sometimes more. I have burned over 14,502.5 calories, exercised 27 hours and 40 minutes, completed 73 workouts, and logged over 75.3 miles during this time. I mean, I am on the easiest level of the easiest level! Yet today, it feels just as hard for me as when I first started.
I thought "God why can't You just take this from me too? Why can't I just surrender this, and You handle it from there?" I admit, my own choices got me in the condition that I am in, and although I pray that I would just wake up one day and my health would be restored - AKA health weight, I know that I have to do my part and God will meet me there.
I thought about the other addictions I have faced, and the people that I work with who face addictions. I was reminded of a more prominent wealthy woman I worked with and our discussion about her alcohol addiction. With other drugs, you can avoid the people that sell them, you can cut off that part of your life, but with alcohol, you eventually have to go to the gas station, you have to go get groceries, and whether your ready or not to be strong and resist, you are going to be presented with alcohol as you go get gas or groceries. We discussed buying the gas at the pump, and maybe having someone else do the shopping for a while until she built up her ability to say no. Unfortunately with my current addiction, I also can not just avoid it until I am strong enough to face it.
I realized sitting there in the floor, that when God saw me through my addiction to pills, marijuana, alcohol, sexual sin, and cigarettes - I was able to just lay them down and God did the rest. I don't crave those things, and as far as I know there are no adverse effects that I still have to deal with because of my addictions. Although every now and then I have that thought of use, I can make a choice to say no. God meets me there every time.
I know that God is still there, meeting me where I am. I know that in my weakness, He is there in His strength. I know that He wants me to honor Him with my body. With my addiction of food, and how I let myself go by leading a sedentary lifestyle, I have to undo those things. I know I still have to say "yes" to the exercise, and "no" to the extra serving of food, and that He will be there, growing the fruit of self-control in my life. The exercise has become a habit, some days I enjoy it, other days I loathe it. I am watching my calories, some days I blow it, usually I stay within limits. I daily have to turn it over to God.
I realize that if God wanted to I could go to bed tonight and wake up in the morning weighing 130 pounds. I have to say, I would love that!!!! But I know that reality is over the past sixteen years I put myself in this shape, and as much as I dislike it, I may have to spend the next sixteen years getting out of it. I pray it doesn't take that long, but if it does, I will have to look daily for the lessons that God is teaching me through that process. I will have to daily die to self. There are no shortcuts in self-discipline.
I thought "God why can't You just take this from me too? Why can't I just surrender this, and You handle it from there?" I admit, my own choices got me in the condition that I am in, and although I pray that I would just wake up one day and my health would be restored - AKA health weight, I know that I have to do my part and God will meet me there.
I thought about the other addictions I have faced, and the people that I work with who face addictions. I was reminded of a more prominent wealthy woman I worked with and our discussion about her alcohol addiction. With other drugs, you can avoid the people that sell them, you can cut off that part of your life, but with alcohol, you eventually have to go to the gas station, you have to go get groceries, and whether your ready or not to be strong and resist, you are going to be presented with alcohol as you go get gas or groceries. We discussed buying the gas at the pump, and maybe having someone else do the shopping for a while until she built up her ability to say no. Unfortunately with my current addiction, I also can not just avoid it until I am strong enough to face it.
I realized sitting there in the floor, that when God saw me through my addiction to pills, marijuana, alcohol, sexual sin, and cigarettes - I was able to just lay them down and God did the rest. I don't crave those things, and as far as I know there are no adverse effects that I still have to deal with because of my addictions. Although every now and then I have that thought of use, I can make a choice to say no. God meets me there every time.
I know that God is still there, meeting me where I am. I know that in my weakness, He is there in His strength. I know that He wants me to honor Him with my body. With my addiction of food, and how I let myself go by leading a sedentary lifestyle, I have to undo those things. I know I still have to say "yes" to the exercise, and "no" to the extra serving of food, and that He will be there, growing the fruit of self-control in my life. The exercise has become a habit, some days I enjoy it, other days I loathe it. I am watching my calories, some days I blow it, usually I stay within limits. I daily have to turn it over to God.
I realize that if God wanted to I could go to bed tonight and wake up in the morning weighing 130 pounds. I have to say, I would love that!!!! But I know that reality is over the past sixteen years I put myself in this shape, and as much as I dislike it, I may have to spend the next sixteen years getting out of it. I pray it doesn't take that long, but if it does, I will have to look daily for the lessons that God is teaching me through that process. I will have to daily die to self. There are no shortcuts in self-discipline.
Monday, April 4, 2011
This place
I realize I have so much still to learn
I am faced with this, everywhere I turn.
Looking through a mirror not even big enough to see my face
How long will I be stuck in this place?
I can't see more than a small piece at a time
I just don't want Your presence to pass me by.
I want a true revelation of Your love and grace
I want to move forward in You and get out of this place
Teach me Your ways, teach me to praise
Help me to listen to only Your voice.
I am faced with this, everywhere I turn.
Looking through a mirror not even big enough to see my face
How long will I be stuck in this place?
I can't see more than a small piece at a time
I just don't want Your presence to pass me by.
I want a true revelation of Your love and grace
I want to move forward in You and get out of this place
Teach me Your ways, teach me to praise
Help me to listen to only Your voice.
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