Starting Over

This year has been a year where God has led me to work on discipline and self control.  As the year started, I was diligent in seeking God and exercising discipline and self-control.  As I ended my fast and went back to "regular living" I slacked off, and eventually found myself down a path I had never intended to go.

For the next few weeks I struggled, knowing that change needed to come but admittedly ashamed at how I had ended up at that place.  Instead of moving forward, I just stood still not pressing forward and not going back.  I was frozen, as I often do when I realize I can't, haven't, or didn't give 100%.

I set my heart to start over today.  It is a new year in my life, and I still desire to achieve those goals.  As I was reading the word today I was reminded of Peter.  This is a man who walked by Jesus in a rather close proximity.  He pledged to follow Jesus wherever he went.  Then in Jesus's weakest hour, Peter denied he even knew Him.  Yet, Peter became a great preacher with a boldness that he didn't have before, after the resurrection of Christ.

I realized in reading that, we all fall.  Granted each of us falls in different areas, and to different degrees, but the fact is we all fail.  We backslide, we compromise, we fail to move forward.  It is easy to get caught in the shame of that, but it is just part of life.

That challenge  the strength comes from getting back up and pressing to go farther than we were before the fall.  Maybe it is just me, but I often feel like I am the only one who did that.  Satan has no problem feeding that thought to keep me from moving forward.  Satan wants us to stay condemned, because he saw what happened when Peter and Paul rose from the ashes.

Ordinary men, empowered by the Holy Spirit changed this world.  Imagine what you could do if you stopped allowing Satan to condemn you with your past, and started over walking in the fullness of Forgiveness and the Power of the Holy Spirit.  Here is too a new day!

Sliding

See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.  Hebrews 3:12-13

Sometimes is life we go along, and find life is at a cross road that we never planned to be. Sometimes, we see it coming, other times it is through little compromises that lead us slowly off the narrow path until we are in the middle of nowhere wondering how we go there.

I think that is where I have been lately.  It is not that I stopped believing, or even stopped doing the things that I need to do.  But somewhere along the way I stopped wanting to do them.  Somewhere along the way, I stopped pressing in and just settled.  Then Wednesday, I found myself hit in the face with it.

I was walking in to church, and I physically slipped, landing on my knees.  I got up, knowing there would be a nice bruise, but oddly not with that embarrassed feeling one gets when falling in public.  I made my way to my chair, and clear as day, God spoke to me that I was slipping spiritually.

Although I was shocked by this revelation, I knew He was right.  My contentment was gone.  I thought that it was because I had been busy.  My schedule had been off, but really I had realigned my priorities.  I had been hit with some pretty difficult circumstances, but really I had taken my eyes off Him as my Helper.  I had slipped back into old patterns after a close encounter with God, because it was easier than pressing in to go deeper.  My connection with other believers had grown distant in my business, so my accountability was gone.  It is easy to do when you are a servant because people get so used to sharing their pain, they look over your struggle.

Climbing back from a slide is humbling.  It is also harder than the slide.  It is very easy to slide, usually you don't realize you have done it until you are far enough away that you hit a bump or the end of the slide.  Climbing back up takes effort because you have to go against the grain.

Here is to climbing back up, may it not be as hard as I think it will be, and may I exceed where I was in my relationship with Him.

precious gifts

I am sitting at the hospital, waiting for the precious gift God lent me, to give birth to her own precious gift.  It has been a long journey, but God is giving her the desire of her heart.  Laurin had longed to bee a mommy for such a long time.  She sufficed with babysitting.  Then in 2011 she was blessed with an angel baby, Holden whom she will not meet this side of heaven.  Then in July, God blessed her with a child from another mother, Jordon, age 5.  Today, in just a few short hours she will be able to hold her daughter Kambree, given her precious gift and desire of her heart.

It is amazing the range of emotions I have seen her go through.  Today is Saturday, and she has been in the hospital since Thursday at 5 pm.  She has laughed, cried, experienced frustration, joy, love, appreciation, gratitude, fear, and pain.  Those along side her, walking through some of those same emotions.

I admit, I am scared for my baby girl.  To know the pain of childbirth, even if it is buffered by an epidural.  To experience love and joy that comes from setting a dream fulfilled.    I am sad to see her growing up, this is that final thing, my baby girl will have her own baby girl.  And then to know this precious gift that once again God has given me to share.  My heart is welling with feelings.

It is now after 11 pm.  My emotions are just starting to settle.  Watching my granddaughter come into this world was one of the greatest gifts that I have ever received.  It feels so surreal to think I am a grandma.  To hold little Kambree, to touch her big cheeks, kiss her little forehead and stare into her eyes.  She is just so precious.

Kambree Adalynn Wellesley was born at 2:20 am on February 16, 2013.    She weighed 8 pound .09 ounces.  She is 20.5 inches long.  She is amazing!